The Hopeless Romantic: The one that got away

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I recently ran into my ex after not seeing him for a couple of years. As awkward as the encounter was, it was one that was going to happen sooner or later.

Coming home for spring break was something that I looked forward to for some well-needed relaxation. While working one day, I heard someone call my name from behind and instantly knew who it was. I turned quickly and was embraced with a hug that had me questioning whether or not I was dreaming.

My ex is not what you would expect an ex to be. He is kind, smart, charming; he was basically everything I ever wanted. The reason we aren’t together is because I ran away from the commitment and was scared of actually falling for him. As soon as he hugged me, I realized that I never stopped loving him.

Maybe it was because he was my first love and my first real kiss, but that set aside, I regret letting him go. After talking for a couple minutes, he asked me to come to a hang out that night. Against my better judgement, knowing that this couldn’t lead to anything good, I agreed to go.

I went to his place where he and about 20 to 30 people were outside, having a bonfire hangout session. I knew everyone for the most part and was actually excited to catch up with them too. After a couple of hours of talking to everyone and relaxing, my ex came and pulled me aside to the bonfire. We laughed and talked; It was nice, I never had a problem with any of my exes, but I was never close to any of them. Finally, the question came up as to why we broke up.

I realized that it wasn’t fair to keep him from wondering why I ended things so quickly and vanishing completely. After telling him, I could see a pain in his eyes, as if he knew all along. He understood, but it didn’t stop me from crying to him and admitting I still loved him. He looked at me and started to cry himself. I never saw him cry. He was your strong, silent type, so it always made me feel uncomfortable. After what felt like an hour of watching him cry, he finally was able to contain himself and said something that broke my heart, “I will always love you.”

Needless to say we ended the night with a hug goodbye and sending each other off with best wishes. This may have been a long story but the details are needed for me to make my point. Never run from love, love has nothing but great endings for you.

I ran away from love and now I have to watch the one I love from afar, love someone else. Never would I want to come between two people who love each other, even if I loved one of them. Some of you may say all is fair in love and war, but that is not the case for me. I have to let him go and allow him to have a chance with happiness. I am more of a believer of destiny with love — if it is meant to be, it will be. I know I will find love again one day, however; losing the one I love to my own insecurities destroys me.

I was the coward and ran when I realized that I was falling. I, a person who constantly preaches to my friends and loved ones to never run from love, was a hypocrite. I could say I was young and foolish but, I was selfish. I didn’t account for how he would feel and how it would affect him in the long run. I wish him all the love in world and that he never feels like he is alone; for someone will always be loving him out there.

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