I’m dating this guy and he’s honestly not what I thought he was. When I met him at a party he was smooth talking, nice and really thoughtful. Flash forward a few weeks and I realize he doesn’t have a personality. I think that he can be thoughtful, but most of the time he’s an idiot. How the hell do I fix him? – Girlfriend to an Idiot
Dear Girlfriend to an Idiot,
About a month ago I talked to this guy on Tinder. He was handsome, proclaimed a love for his family, cinematography and wanted commitment. I saw his profile and wondered what the catch was. He looked like the type of guy that was on the “Mystery Date” board games. However, we hit it off.
A few nights later, I was getting ready for my date with him and he asked for some … scantily clad … pictures. I never met the guy, but it turns out he was really excited to meet me. I refused and told him that my intentions for the night didn’t involve anything biblical. He was indignant. I promptly blocked him and spent that night in full makeup watching romance movies.
Love is dead, isn’t it?
The thing is, as I was watching “Dirty Dancing,” I realized that I could’ve went on the date. I could have worn my uncomfortable boots, looked up at him through my lashes and talked about topics as deep as the Pacific. I could have fallen for this guy and his facade of being an artistic and sensitive soul.
But he would have been a guy who gets angry when a woman says no.
The thing is that people find themselves in love (or more often in like) with the concept of a person. My heart broke as you described this man. He seemed like Prince Charming and he turned out to be just a frog. The man you met at the party was more than likely under the influence, in a strange mood or was trying to get lucky. Once you guys started dating, he put his guard down and resumed his role as a local idiot.
I’m sorry to be blunt, but he more than likely will remain blissfully dull. Don’t get me wrong, but I think it’s possible to mold the person that you are dating into someone more suitable for you. This isn’t to say that you should radically change someone to date them. But you should always strive to have a better relationship. To be honest though, it sounds like you can’t stand the guy.
To be frank, you deserve better than to date a guy with “no personality.” There are plenty of fish in the sea and it’s about time you throw this one back. Don’t you want someone that you are crazy about? Someone that you’d be excited to show off instead of trying to change?
Sorry to be blunt, but you aren’t dating your boyfriend of the future. You’re dating him now. And from the sound of it, he’ll never be that charming man that you met at the party. It’s best that you dump him before you start making excuses for his shortcomings. Good luck, Girlfriend to an Idiot, I believe in you!
If you want to submit questions for Destiny to provide advice for, feel free to shoot her a message at this form.
For comments/questions about this story, email firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @TheWhitOnline.