It was a dark and stormy night…I mean, it was day time and the amount of noise was average for someone living near a main road. I had the house, and the day, to myself, so I decided to do something I hadn’t done in a long while: watch something scary.

Allow me to clarify “scary.” What I think is scary may not be what you think is scary. Therefore, when I say I watched something scary, you might say “oh please, that’s not scary,” but I am telling you, I was scared. I have to add an adverb for emphasis. Adverbs are underrated and totally appropriate for this moment – I was very scared.

If I thought I was safer watching something scary during the day, I was wrong. Daytime provides a false sense of security. The sun is basically the moon in wolf’s clothing. After watching that scary show, I was suspicious of every bird chirp, every flying plane and every person who casually walked on the sidewalk. Why are they walking down the street in the middle of the day? Where are you going? Does that baby need a gentle walk in the stroller? Does that baby not know that monsters lurk during the day? It’s dangerous, people! Go inside! Stay safe!

…Sorry about that..

I filled the rest of my day with lazy actions like stuffing my face with chips, stuffing my face with chocolate and basically walking around my kitchen and casually stuffing my face with all the junk food I could find. This gluttony was not caused by feelings of anxiety or remaining scary thought, I continually convinced myself. I watched a funny show to feel happy again. I may or may not have went to YouTube to find a show I used to watch when I was a kid.

Because I watched the scary show during the early afternoon, I assumed that the fear would subside as the day continued. On this train of thought, by the time night arrived, all scary feelings would be gone, replaced by other events that would come to preoccupy my mind. Makes sense, right? I know, it sounded so genius when I thought it up.

This is a friendly warning: Do not think that if you watch something scary during the day, it will go away by the night.

The scary feelings intensified. The little birds turned into flesh-eating creatures and their chirps were songs of death, the people walking down the sidewalk were killers. Like, seriously, I kind of get them walking during the day, but why are you walking at night? Where are you going? The creaky wood sounded like footsteps. Who’s there? Ever have the feeling you’re being watched? I grabbed a hairbrush to use as a weapon.

If you see me in person and want to know what show scared me to death, just ask. But one more friendly warning: Things don’t only go bump in the night.

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