Being on a college campus is quite chaotic. Something is always happening somewhere, and college kids love to let you know—or their bodies do for them. That time a guy puked right outside my open window comes to mind.

But chaos doesn’t just happen on the fringe of existence. Every night I hear someone new screaming, yelling, wailing, cheering, or cursing, but that’s in the comfort of my dorm. When I’m outside late at night, this strangeness does not keep its distance, it comes right on up and says hello.

Case in point, when I call my friends or family at home. So as to not annoy my roommate (and to keep my conversations private), I usually head outside and sit on a bench or go for a walk. 

Apparently, my being outside is an invitation for interaction. I’ve had drunk frat-goers come up to me, sit right down, and make conversation. Once, two guys confused me for a CA (community assistant) and assured me that they were not traveling with fentanyl (but if they were, how much should they take). Another time, a guy who was very obviously drunk did a double take when he saw me and shouted across the courtyard that I was “very beautiful!”

Taken at face value, these interactions are exceedingly creepy. Generally speaking, any time a random guy or group of guys approaches a girl who is alone, society tells us that can’t be for a good reason. I would argue, however, that staying open to these zany interactions has both kept me safe and brought joy into my life.

Each time these people interacted with me, it wasn’t out of malice or nefarious intent. They just saw someone sitting alone and decided to first, check in on me, and second, make human connections. Whether or not the people who’ve come up to me on a whim have done it to take advantage of me has certainly crossed my mind, but within even a minute of conversation that’s usually proven wrong.

The conversations I’ve had have been funny, like one guy telling me that I under no circumstances should google one of the hazing practices he mentioned, to interesting, like the time a guy asked if I went to Cherokee High School (because my dyed hair looked just like someone he knew), to downright insightful.

Sitting on a bus riding to Philadelphia, a man who was on the back of the bus came up to me and told me I was beautiful. Then, later in the ride he moved up to where I was sitting, and struck up a conversation.

Our exchange lasted 5 minutes tops. He said he liked my vibe, and from there we briefly talked about where we were from, and where we were going. He was going into Philly to eventually wind up in NYC, to meet up with his cousin. He wanted to go there because it seemed like the feel of the city would be different. He asked me if the people were different in Colorado.

I told him that the people are different. They’re lighter. If you meet a working-class person in Colorado, they’re less weighed down by the worries of the cities out here. They’re more open to being friendly.

Whether or not that’s true, it’s just my experience. We then exchanged social media accounts, and he went on his way, off to find NYC. 

If I was immediately cold to those who walked up to me on a whim, who struck up a conversation just for the heck of it, I would miss out on moments like those. Just because I’m on a college campus, or I’m a college student out in the world, and I’m female and “vulnerable,” doesn’t mean that I need to exist with my guard up and my head down.

I encourage everyone to be open to those who approach them. Openness is, of course, not the same as being easy to take advantage of. I am still aware that there are people out there with the intent to cause harm, so I take careful stock of my surroundings and try to make sure that if somebody does try to do something to me, I have an exit plan. The Rowan campus, for example, has many emergency call boxes for those who find themselves in a bad situation while outside.

But I will always enter a situation with an open mind, and it pretty much always pays off in the end. I’ve had amazing interactions with people simply from being willing to engage in the first place and even wound up with friends as a result. 

I think it’s a tragedy that women especially are encouraged to be so careful, at the expense of experiencing the joys of humanity’s spontaneity. It’s a tragedy that we can be so fearful of one another.

So, I encourage you to have an open mind the next time someone comes up to you out of the blue. Even if it’s late at night, surrounded by the chaos of college students having too much of a good time.

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