Growing up, being the youngest in both my family and most of my friend groups, I struggled to get a grip of my own and do things just for myself because I was always surrounded by people who wanted to protect me and shield me from the world. For a long time, I felt quite fortunate to be taken care of with such love. 

However, about two years ago, after noticing that it also made me more introverted and insecure, a sudden urge to spread my wings hit me and I started craving an insane change in my life to be more independent. 

Currently, I have been on a personal journey to grow, love, and be proud of myself first before anything else, which is a big part of why I am studying abroad this semester. 

When the long-time dream of moving to London by myself became a reality, I knew that I would be spending my 21st birthday in a new environment, with new people, and new unknown feelings. For people who don’t know me personally, I had made a promise to my younger self that I would wait until I was 21 to have my first drink, and knowing that most people my age find that odd, it was also something I was worried about celebrating in a new place. 

Despite that, my birthday, that one day, opened my eyes to notice how much positive change has taken place during my journey already. On the night of my birthday, I was having jitters thinking about how far I had come and how proud I was of myself to wait for something that all my friends had been partaking in front of me for years. 

What excited me more was that I was going out with my friends whom I had met only a month prior, and as much as I would have loved to celebrate with my friends back home, it felt like such a restart and was so refreshing to learn more about each other whilst celebrating something so important to me. It opened me up to the reality of adulthood, which was a feeling I never thought I would experience growing up. 

Along with that, celebrating without my family for the first time, as weird as it sounds, helped me take care of and treat myself to what I deserve without them doing it for me and I am so thankful I have a family that has been with me through this journey of growth and pushes me to be the best version of myself.

At the end of the night, I realized that it wasn’t the first cocktail or the baby Guinness shot that made me feel reborn. It was the realization that I had reached the moment I wanted to get to by myself, independently. I woke up the next morning and moved on from the past life that had been holding me back from finding my true self as this current me is more confident, grown, and happier in her own way.