Connor Stachowski was a pitcher, shortstop, and third baseman at Robbinsville High School. By the time he was a senior, he had been playing baseball since he was three years old, and just like anything that you put that much time and dedication into, there are bound to be ups and downs. 

“The mind is an interesting place. It can be a dangerous place for a lot of things, but it also can be a beautiful place, kind of finding yourself out of those holes, because you’re mature,” Stachowski said.

During his senior year, the college recruiting process and the idea of being further away from family and friends made him more anxious than he realized. One night in the fall of 2021, Stachowski experienced something that would change the trajectory of the next three years.

“I was driving home from practice by myself. It was one of those drive homes where I was just listening to silence because my mind was racing. I was so scared about what I was gonna do in college, like if I was even good enough to play. I felt the pit in my stomach. I felt my heart rate start to pick up, and then all of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe. I pulled over. I was near my friend’s house, and I called him,” Stachowski said. “I was like, ‘I think I’m having a heart attack. I don’t know what the hell is going on. My heart’s beating out of my chest. I can’t breathe…. please get here.’ I sent him the pin to my location, and he was there. I don’t even think we talked about anything, but he just looked at me, gave me a hug, and then, I just, completely broke down.”

When Stachowski got home late, his mom asked him if everything was ok. After talking with her son, Stachowski’s mom believed he was getting panic attacks, and called the school’s counselor to set up a meeting. 

“When I went and spoke to the counselor for the first time, I was thinking ‘Oh, this is something that’s gonna pass. I didn’t think it was really going to be anything major,” Stachowski said “I knew what anxiety and depression were, but I was like, ‘It’s not gonna happen to me. I’ll be okay.”

One of the things that Stachowski’s guidance counselor told him has stuck with him and is one of the reasons he feels that he can talk about his mental health today. 

“She asked me why I don’t feel that I can talk to people about this. I was like, ‘Well, I’m a guy. I just don’t really feel like it’s something that we talk about,’” Stachowski said. “She’s like, ‘The manliest thing a guy can do is talk about their emotions. Because when you think of macho, you think of things that are hard to do.”

At that moment, Stachowski came to terms with his own mental health struggles.

“The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life is talk about my mental health. So why wouldn’t that be considered a manly thing to do? It completely changed my outlook on it. Because never in a million years would I have ever thought that I could talk to people about it, because… people wouldn’t care… That was my mindset, but also, I’m a guy. I’m not supposed to feel these things. I just felt like something was wrong with me for that, but that [conversation] really opened my eyes,” Stachowski said. “I’m like, ‘Yeah, I’m a human. I’m a human being.”

Eventually, Stachowski settled on Rowan. He was initially recruited to play the shortstop and infielder positions before being moved around due to an already full infield. Stachowski spent time in the outfield, before finishing out the 2022-2023 season at third base. 

“My hitting game never really translated from high school into college, which was very defeating. Hitting was always one of those things I was really good at and then not having the success that I wanted to, the rest of my game just completely took a downfall,” Stachowski said. “I just didn’t feel like I was good enough… In my exit meeting after my freshman year, in the summer of 2023, he [Stachowski’s coach] said, ‘We’re gonna tinker with you throwing submarine.”

After spending the summer learning how to pitch from a new arm slot, he hurt his shoulder during the fall of 2023. 

“I hurt my shoulder in late September, I couldn’t throw the entire rest of the fall, so I was pretty much just the DH (Designated Hitter). And once again, my hitting was never there, so I just didn’t really have any success,” Stachowski said.

As Stachowski worked to find his stride again, life tested him in a way he was not expecting. Despite not playing much due to injury, he was looking forward to an early October scrimmage against RCSJ (Rowan College of South Jersey). He was excited to see his parents who were coming to the game, but then Stachowski’s mom told him that she was not feeling well that morning. After the game, Stachowski’s dad informed him that his mom had a heart attack the night before. 

“I was just sitting in the parking lot because it’s heavy– there’s a lot of stuff that goes into that… I kind of just existed. The next couple of days didn’t feel real,” Stachowski said. “She’s fine now, but that part, I was just like, ‘Damn, this is really weird.’ I was trying to put it off. I didn’t really tell anyone… because I was like ‘I really don’t want to put my issues on someone else.”

Unfortunately for Stachowski, later that week, he received a text from one of his best friends, that their father, who was also Stachowski’s winter league basketball coach, had passed away. 

“It was just like a rough stretch of the week…I didn’t sleep that night because I was like, ‘That could have been me sending out that text to all my friends,’ Stachowski said. 

This realization had lasting effects on Stachowski. 

“I don’t know why it stuck with me that much, but it did. Part of me was like, ‘It’s gonna pass,’ and then days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into other time, and then I was like, ‘I can’t shake this.’ From about the day that my mom had her heart attack to when I went home for Christmas break, I lost 15 pounds,” Stachowski said. “My anxiety just got so bad, to the point where I just look at food and I just can’t do anything with it. I didn’t sleep. My grades tanked a little bit because I was constantly in a brain fog.”

In the spring of 2024, Stachowski gave himself time to learn how to pitch from the submarine position. As he reflected on the 2023-2024 season, Stachowski recounted the team’s playoff push.

“Last year [the spring of 2024] didn’t really go as well as I’d hoped. I was learning everything new from scratch, obviously, my coaches were helping, but I still had to figure it out. I didn’t play a lot last year. I wasn’t on the travel roster for our postseason race,” Stachowski said. 

He attended the team’s NJAC (New Jersey Athletic Conference) tournament games at Rutgers Camden, but he watched the team play the regionals portion of the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association) Tournament in Granville, Ohio from home. 

Watching his teammates from home took a toll on Stachowski, but he was determined to come back stronger. Stachowski’s goal for summer ball this year was to strengthen his pitching skills. 

“My first three outings were horrible… There was one outing where I didn’t get out of the inning. I think I walked five guys. I hit two. I was so drained mentally. It was just failure after failure. I’m one of those people that wasn’t used to failure,” Stachowski said. “Like, you obviously go through slumps in baseball, but normally I’m like, ‘I’ll get myself out of it,’ but I was consistently failing. So, after that outing, I was this close to just being like, ‘Screw it. I’m just gonna call it quits on my career.”

The next day, Stachowski received a text from the owner of his summer ball team asking him if he wanted to talk. After talking to the owner, Stachowski decided to give baseball another go. Looking back, he knew that if he quit at that moment, he would regret it. He went back to the mound, this time with a different mindset. 

“As a pitcher, when stuff isn’t going your way, you’re on an island. It’s just you in the middle. You have so many people looking at you… Sometimes it’s the scariest place to be, sometimes it’s the most fun place to be,” Stachowski said. “I’ve felt both aspects of it, in terms of being out there, feeling like the walls were crushing me, versus, being out there and thinking that I’m the man.”

One thing that has helped Stachowski build up his confidence on and off the field is visualizing the situation at hand and breaking it down step by step. 

“One of the hardest things for me was, okay, ‘Where do I go from here?’ It’s a hard thing to figure out, because…you don’t really know what path it is. So, I kind of was like, ‘You know what? Screw it.’ I’m gonna pick one thing and I’m gonna roll with it, and then, if this works, okay, perfect,” Stachowski said. “Now I can keep rolling into the next thing. If that doesn’t work, okay, let’s go back. Let’s kind of figure out another way to kind of take it. 

“I was like, okay, this outing, I’m gonna think that I’m the shit and that I’m going to throw fastballs and I’m going to get you out every single time. It didn’t always happen, but that mental part where, okay, one person got a hit off me, forget him, Stachowski said. “Yeah, he matters in the scheme of the game, but he doesn’t matter in the task ahead of me, of throwing strikes.” 

As his story and advocacy continue, Stachowski has challenged the stereotypes placed on men and their mental health through his involvement with the mental health club for athletes, The Hidden Opponent, and conversations with others. 

“It’s just like stereotypes that men don’t talk about their emotions, they don’t cry, they don’t do this, that, or the other. That’s just how society works. I’ve talked to a lot of people and the stuff that they have to say is ridiculous and the fact that they’re not talking about it is scary. It’s scary because I know all the places that I’ve been to, but I would talk about those things to other people…to get that out.”

One day, Stachowski hopes to coach college or high school baseball and to remind people that their story deserves to be heard and that everyone has the chance to make an impact. 

“I feel like everyone’s story is important, and everyone’s story can teach you a lesson. There are a lot of things that people do that I’ve started to pick up on, and there are sometimes where, I’ve kind of given a little piece of advice, and someone’s been like, ‘Hey, this has really helped me out.’ I never in a million years would have thought that, that conversation would have, like, made an impact in that person’s life,” Stachowski said. “But that’s just kind of the place that I found myself in, and it’s a place that I really continuously want to be in.”

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