Friendship isn’t found. It’s constructed, one awkward hello at a time. Before you realize it, you’re making friendship bracelets, throwing nice outfits together before that dinner reservation, or excitedly shouting the next suggestion for each other’s articles. 

For me, friendship is sacred, emotionally intimate, and priceless. Nothing can ever or will ever take away the emotional or spiritual bond you cultivate with another person, even if the friendship goes sour or you just haven’t talked in a minute. The small moments, life lessons, and memories associated with others will last you a lifetime. 

But what if you don’t have that? What if you just haven’t found your people yet?  I’m here to tell you that this isn’t something superficial or unattainable. 

Before you venture off on campus to strike up a conversation with your classmate or that barista at High Grounds, you must remain open to cultivating new friendships rather than settling for comfort, especially if you just arrived on campus and already have friends.

For many, making friends isn’t an easy task; take it from someone who actively works to regulate their anxiety on a daily basis. Believe it or not, the last thing I expected was to find my people in college. 

I made the mistake of assuming college would be just like high school, where I’d sit in the middle of the cafeteria by myself with a lonesome peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or my history teacher, who felt pity for me. 

In fact, I felt that same dreadful loneliness upon my arrival in my junior year as a transfer student here at Rowan. Transitioning from Atlantic Cape Community College was rough. How couldn’t it have been when just a few months before, I found myself crying tears of joy in the middle of a restaurant, surrounded by friends on a college trip to Washington D.C.? 

Those weren’t tears of sadness, but rather of pure happiness after realizing for the first time in what seemed like forever that I had found my people, ones who loved and cared for me just as I had them.  

It felt like I had the rug pulled from beneath me; I was thrown into an environment where I knew no one. For the first few months, I attended classes I didn’t have an interest in. I’d go to class, pick up something to eat on my way back to my dorm, do my homework, and repeat. For anyone new to campus, don’t do what I did my first semester here. 

Making friends at college doesn’t have to be difficult. Taking small steps is key to overcoming that voice telling you, “no one will like who you are” or “no one wants to be your friend.” 

As the fall semester unfolds and everyone gets situated into their class schedules, one of the easiest times to make friends is within those first few weeks. 

Once students have figured out which building their classes will be in, I encourage them to try to make an effort to arrive early. Sometimes there will be classes that have just finished up before yours in the same room. It’s in these moments when you’re getting seated in class that you might come across someone you want to talk to. You can compliment them on what they’re wearing, ask them where they got it, or ask about the class they just took.

Last semester, I had a class in Bozorth Hall, and just as I sat down to start writing, someone behind me asked me if I had to leave right away. Luckily, we had thirty minutes before my classmates would arrive. We talked about the previous class, filmmaking, and acting. It was through those shared interests that we exchanged social media contacts, and in the same semester, they asked me to be a part of their student short film. 

You’ll never know what opportunities you’ll find or who you’ll meet if you don’t remain open to new friendships. For example, if you’re lost and don’t know where your class is, don’t be afraid to ask. 

I felt unsure about the classroom I was in and asked my classmate if we had both had the TV Newscast. After we had confirmed we were in the right place, I asked if they were nervous. Funnily enough, we both were. 

Here’s the thing I’ve learned after four years of college: no matter how put-together someone might seem, they are just as anxious as you are. We all have to adjust to new classes, schedules, and people. So why not take the first step to break the tension in a room? It was through the small talk that we ended up having each other’s backs as classmates for the rest of the semester, from assignments to being camera-ready for class. 

Another super easy way to make friends is by joining a club, organization, fraternity, or sports team. The incredible thing about Rowan University is that our campus offers over 100 clubs and organizations, from The Whit, Student University Programmers (SUP), to the Running Club, United Latinos Association (ULA), and Prism. 

You can even make friends at events sponsored by SUP and Rowan After Hours (RAH) weekly at the Student Center. Some of my favorite campus events include the Homecoming Lip-Sync Battle, HollyBash, and off-campus trips to the Baltimore Aquarium or the Sea Isle City beach. 

While there are campus events to attend, I believe we shouldn’t limit ourselves to those either. Make an effort to create mini events for friends and classmates. 

Last Fall, I met two of my now closest friends, and not a day goes by that we aren’t texting each other. I wouldn’t have gotten such a valuable friendship had I not invited one of them to a mini Halloween party at my dorm with my roommates. Dressed as cowboys and Disney princesses, we laughed, sang along to music, and sank our teeth into sub sandwiches. 

The next time you’re thinking about inviting a classmate to a campus event or out for lunch, don’t hold back. You might just meet your new best friend. Don’t fear rejection either; perhaps they’re busy and willing to go next time. 

Lastly, it’s important to remember we’re not designed for everyone, and that’s okay. It’s never really about what you say, what you wear, or what your interests are. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and the most important question you should always ask yourself is not whether or not someone likes you, but rather, do you like them? 

You are who you surround yourself with, so why not establish friendships that are going to lift you up and make you feel comfortable just as you are? It starts with you, so don’t wait for someone to approach you; put yourself out there and give it a try. 

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