Andujar: I love when my smartphone dies for no reason

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This is an installment of Suzette Andujar’s weekly column “As I Was Saying”

You know what I love the most? Computers and smartphones.

They are the best inventions ever created in the history of mankind. Seriously, the moment I’m almost done writing a paper and the computer freezes is actually fun. I get so happy when I have to continuously press the CTRL+ALT+DELETE buttons and open the task manager. I don’t know why people complain when they can’t get their files to reload. I easily go on my smartphone, Google the issue and after searching various sites and articles, find the solution-simple! Most times the solution doesn’t come up and I’m forced to gather pieces of the information to solve my own problems, but who doesn’t like the hours spent on research?

Frankly, it’s refreshing.

Speaking of research, I have a special tenderness in my heart for the moment the browser turns all white and I get the ‘not responding’ message. I’m so grateful to my computer for shutting down as I was in the middle of reading an important article on annotating bibliographies.

Did I not mention the pure elation I feel when the computer decides that it needs to restart and update out of the blue? This usually happens when I’m in the middle of doing something important and it shows that the computer takes responsibility very seriously.

Smartphones make me equally delighted. Show me one person who doesn’t love the ‘no more disk space available’ alert that comes on right when you’re about to take an important picture. I was in New York City and was just about to take a stunning snap of the Rockefeller Christmas Tree when this exact alert came on my phone. I laughed as I hurried to delete old text messages and apps to make space while all my friends took their pictures and walked away. I didn’t get the shot, but did I really need my own picture? I mean, that’s what Google is for, right?

Why do people complain about the battery running out quickly? The phone is just tired. It’s not the phone’s fault if it warns me that it only has 20 percent life left and suddenly turns off. Shame on me for thinking that 20 percent was enough power to check on that last Instagram video about cool ways to slice an avocado. Avocados are overrated anyway. When I plug the phone into the power and it suddenly shows 40 percent, I’m proud of the accuracy.

When both the computer and smartphone tell me that I’m not connected to the internet when I so obviously am it’s funny. Technology has such a sense of humor! I just giggle when I’m locked out of the internet and have to wait while I shut down, unplug and then reboot everything all for nothing because the internet still isn’t available.

Computer, you go ahead and catch that virus. You go ahead and buffer, smartphone, I’ll just be waiting right here because I literally have all day.

By the way, my sarcasm detector just exploded.

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