It’s the time of year when store mannequins are decked out in bathing suits. Each time I see this display, I say to myself, “Really? Already? I’m just here trying to get a box of brownie mix.”
It’s cold outside! There’s nothing more warming than baking a pan of brownies to go alongside a steaming mug of hot cocoa. While shoveling the chocolate into my mouth, there is no worry about a bathing suit; however, when said consuming is done, thoughts of polka-dotted spandex come to mind followed by guilt: chocolate guilt.
It’s in this moment, I walk to the closest mirror, shake my head and say, “You’ve got three months to get in shape. Wipe off that pathetic chocolate mustache and get ready because tomorrow, you’re working out.” I nod. Yes! I’m going to look so good. I officially just ate my last pan of brownies – the last!
The next day I eat oatmeal with extra brown sugar because I’m allowed to because I’m totally eating healthy. I turn on my Jillian Michaels DVD and move the coffee table out of the way. She promised me a toned bod in thirty days – this is going to be so easy.
I sit on the sofa while the intro plays and think that’s a good time to check out motivating pictures on Instagram. I’m so pumped to get fit!
I didn’t know you can mix Snickers and peanut butter and bake a three-tiered cake in thirty seconds!
Chocolate, coconuts and frozen raspberries mixed together and put into an ice tray and frozen makes a delicious treat!
Mmm…I wonder if I could make that too, I mean, it can be done in mere seconds – Instagram told me so.
I look up and Jillian’s video is already playing. She looks at me through the screen and says, “If you want to wear that polka-dot bathing suit then you have to work for it! Push-ups for 60 seconds! Now!”
For the next fifteen-minutes, I watch the workout from my comfy spot on the sofa. I’m not sure why I don’t get up; it’s like I physically cannot move. My eyes feel tired and some small part of my mind tells me that this is a good reason to not join the workout.
When the video ends, I’m pretty hungry because that oatmeal didn’t fill me up. I give my options serious thought. I technically did eat my healthy portion of the day, so I can allow myself a bag of Doritos…and it wouldn’t hurt to run to McDonalds for a burger. I mean, it is under two dollars. While I’m out, I could grab a box of brownie mix because I’m kind of going to earn tomorrow’s cheat as well and it’s best to be prepared so…
I go to the store, just trying to get the brownie mix, when the polka-dot mannequin stares at me. You know, for being a mannequin, they sure do convey a lot of judgement!
For questions/comments about this story, email firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @TheWhitOnline.