Dear Destiny: #$%$ Boy Vibes

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Dear Destiny, 

I think that my best friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her? He gives me #$%$ boy vibes and I don’t like how he talks to other girls. What should I do? – #$%$ Boy Vibes

First of all, ouch. I think everyone can say that they’ve been in a tricky situation where they hated their friend’s new bae. I personally like to wait it out a little bit because I’m always distrustful of a friend’s new beau. It might be protectiveness or stupidity, but I’m always weary meeting a friend’s significant other.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of my friends finding someone, but I know that they deserve the world. Until I’m sure that their bae is the real deal, I’m polite but apprehensive of budding romances. For the most part, I realized that there was no reason to worry. 

But when I’m faced with an actual reason to get mad at a friend’s bae, it gets tricky. I made mistakes in the past where I told my friends that I didn’t like their baes outright. If I’m being honest, it wasn’t a good reason. Like you, I didn’t like the vibes that the person gave off. When I told my friend this they weren’t happy. And rightly so.

You have to trust your friend’s ability to pick a romance. If you know your friend is making a mistake you might have to let them make it for a while. You shouldn’t step in until you know that their partner is doing something unforgivable, like cheating, or is a seriously negative factor in your friend’s life. 

The thing is that your friend may not even know that she is being cheated on. It might be obvious to you but to a person in a relationship it might not be obvious. I was in a relationship with a total loser (hey sweetie!) and had no clue he was cheating despite obvious signs. When you are in love, lust or even just like-like someone, it’s easy to ignore red flags. 

If you have proof of cheating, show your friend. It’s important that you are honest and kind to her. However, if you only have bad vibes, you have to be a little bit more careful. Talk to your best friend about her relationship. I’m not saying that you should outright say that you hate the guy, but mention that you’re worried about her relationship with him. Then, in the kindest way possible, tell her that you think he’s cheating and why. 

I want to warn you that your friend might not take this well. But it’s more important that you are honest with her than being silent about something that bothers you. At the end of the day, it’s your friend’s choice to stay in her relationship or to take your word for it.

But you have an obligation of being a friend to her. Friends tell each other when they are in a situation that might be potentially bad for them. At the end of the day, it’s important to be a good friend rather than keeping her happy with you. Good luck #$%$ Boy Vibes, I believe in you. 

Xoxo, 

Destiny

If you want to submit questions for Destiny to provide advice for, feel free to shoot her a message at this form.

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