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They say all is fair in love and war.

But what is fairness? Is it not charging a delivery fee on an order less than $10? Is it a no charge for additional toppings?

How can one love when they are hungry? How can one display passion when there is no fairness? What is a world without the secret ingredient of all food — the blood, sweat and tears of joy in creating that immaculate grilled cheese, or that combination plate of shrimp Lo mein?

Let’s try to find the answer in this week’s around the plate matchup.

The Gouda matchup

How do you stand out in a fondue of five different cheeses? You play it like Steve’s Grilled Cheese and Quesadilla Factory. That’s right, Steve is now the official Glassboro “Cheese Whiz,” worthy of any and all Philadelphia-style cheesesteaks. The Cheesesteak Factory tried to churn out fat sandwiches and garlic knots as fast as possible, but the barrage of ammunition took too long to be delivered — over 45 minutes. By then, Steve’s Grilled Cheese had both milked the cow and aged the cheese, and made fried mac ‘n’ cheese balls, which it gave extra of in every nine out of 10 orders. With a flanking of coupon mailers, Steve completely drained The Cheesesteak Factory of its resources. Charles de Gaulle once said, “How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?” Well de Gaulle, sometimes you eat the cheese, and sometimes, the cheese eats you.

An Italian Affair

By a 0.6 margin, Italian Affair ended Hunan Wok’s attempt at the golden plate. The Italian titan snuck a horse’s head in the Hunan’s fridge… it wasn’t the first time that the Chinese eatery had something unexpected in its food. The battle went to the back of a taxi, in which confusion of who was addressing whom ensued, resulting in a P. F. Changing of the guard. The affair was rather quick, though painful, as the Italian joint moved into the next round, but you didn’t see nothing — capiche?

Last but not yeast

Ry’s Bagels proved that what goes around comes around, poking holes in its competition to get to a 0.76 win margin over Hibachi Grill. The onion volcano erupted far too soon, and the Teppanyaki missed the shrimp toss, landing it in the loser pile. Ry, if that is his real name, kneaded the victory to defend his title. The 2015 champion is well on its way to reaching the 2016 final.

The next course

In the previews for next week, the matchups to look up will be the surf ‘n’ turf war between Angelo’s Diner and Samurai Japanese Steakhouse. Will the breakfast club topple the crowd favorite of eternally half-priced sushi? Or are we looking at the last samurai?

What is fair in this loveless war between Glassboro eateries? Is it to be named the greatest? Is this massive oil-bath worth all the survey-answering, or the meager five minutes it takes to decide your favorite? For our Whit-approved eateries, there is no answer, only that they were each strong enough to dine another day.

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