Over the course of my life, I have worked relentlessly to try to differentiate myself from my mom. Even when I was younger, I never wanted to be seen as an extension of her; to some degree, I knew that children were allowed to have autonomy, even if I didn’t fully understand the concept yet. And to my surprise, people — mostly older people — thought that I was crazy for wanting to separate myself from her.

But as I got older, there was just one thing that I can’t bring myself to deny — I am, in fact, my mother’s daughter. 

Realistically, it shouldn’t have taken this long for me to both realize and accept that very obvious fact. But as previously mentioned, I’ve practically spent my entire life trying to form my own sense of identity, so I’ve been a bit oblivious to how alike we are. But as of recently, I have been wondering if I actually was oblivious to our similarities, or if I was purposefully ignoring them because I did notice the similarities. 

The same hyper-judgmental attitude is a major one I’ve noticed, and it has only grown as I have gotten older. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as my being so judgmental has actually helped me in some situations, such as knowing who to associate with. So if some traits that my mom and I share can actually be useful, what’s the big problem then?

In all honesty, that’s a question that I don’t have the answer to. At least, not a complete one. What I can say is that it’s all a matter of perspective. Most of my issues come from the perspective of a child trying to find her place in the world, so being seen as an extension of my mother and ignoring the similarities between us seemed irritating. But I’m older now, so I understand that I can both form my own path and opinions, and acknowledge the similarities between my mom and me. 

Now, this isn’t to say that I don’t have my own personality; I definitely do. In fact, my mom herself has said multiple times throughout the years that I am a very opinionated person, and it is on those opinions that we tend to differ. 

For example, whenever we want to watch a movie together, we can’t seem to pick one for the life of us, because we don’t like all of the same genres of movies. She is more into action movies and a few comedies, while I am more of a comedy or drama person. Because we have a common interest in comedies, we tend to watch a lot of older movies, as it’s something that we are both familiar with. Our inability to watch a new movie together may also be due to the fact that both she and I are very picky, and I am a film major, which annoys both of us. 

This annoyance is only natural. If there is anything that I have learned, it’s that most children want to rewrite the mistakes of the previous generations and end toxic cycles, which is why most people, including myself, don’t want to acknowledge the similarities between them and their parents. We might even find them annoying.

Wanting to break free of those generational curses or irritating habits isn’t a crime. Wanting to form your own path isn’t a crime either; it’s essential for character growth. But I think there is a great middle ground, and it is not be ashamed of the similarities between you and your parents, while also doing the work to become their own person outside of their parents.

For comments/questions about this story, DM us on Instagram @thewhitatrowan or email [email protected]