Over the course of this entire year, I feel like I learned a lot about myself. When I started, I was a transfer student coming into her junior year, somewhat lost as I essentially had to start over with finding my footing in college. I was already set on being a film major and had two years of experience at that point, but those were mostly theory classes, and I hadn’t done much writing or production for film and television yet. 

But once I came to Rowan, I was almost immediately thrust into production and writing classes, and I admittedly did feel a bit lost. I had experience in one video production class in high school, and the most writing I had done was for English essays. Even though it felt like I was stunted, I had enough confidence to get through what I didn’t know and learn more. 

One thing I learned when it comes to creative fields is that trial and error are unironically your best friend. Even though mistakes can lead to success in just about any field, because the creative field is so hands on, making mistakes is almost encouraged to become successful. But the problem that I had and admittedly still have is letting go of the perfectionist notion. 

It took me a pretty long time to accept that it’s OK for things to be imperfect, especially when it comes to what you want to do later on in life.

There were many instances where I was writing a script or creating a project for a production class where things just weren’t turning out the way I initially wanted them to be, and instead of making a fuss about it, I just had to acknowledge that it’s okay for things to not go a certain way. As previously mentioned, mistakes will only lead to greater success down the line, so everything that might’ve gone wrong is something that I can improve upon later. 

This was especially true when it came to writing, whether that was learning how to write a script for class properly or writing somewhat professionally. 

As a writer, your main thought is locked on to your work being flawless, but that is just not the case at all. In fact, I learned that there was so much I didn’t know about writing than what I originally assumed.

I saw this flaw more in screenwriting, because not only did I not know how to properly format a script, but the deeper parts, such as telling a cohesive story, writing character arcs, and not overly exposing things in dialogue were almost foreign to me. It’s easier to notice when you’re watching it, but when it’s your turn to write it can become a bit humbling, and that’s where the trial and error aspect comes in. 

You only become a better writer the more you write, and for me personally, I can say I did see the improvement over time even with the areas that I could still improve on.

But it would be rather disingenuous to say that I still don’t struggle. I’m glad that I was able to acknowledge that there are some things that are easily fixable, but there wouldn’t be life without any struggle. The biggest one that I am still dealing with is getting out of this shell that I’m always in, and because of this, I’ve hindered myself from a plethora of opportunities that could’ve changed me for the better. 

For example, I still struggle with being able to talk to new people, and that is a part of the reason why the first few weeks at Rowan felt empty. I was still in the mode of being a transfer student, and I don’t know anyone here, instead of actually putting myself out there and trying to meet new people. 

I will say that this year did see me put myself out there more than before. It’s still something that I can improve on, but seeing the gradual change is something that I am proud of myself for.

I definitely can say that the version of me from the start of this year compared to the version of me right now are two different people. I’m glad that I was able to allow myself to take some risks this year that will hopefully carry over into my final year of college. All in all, I’m rather proud of my journey, and I’m excited to see where that will take me going forward.