Around a year ago, I experienced a sudden, tragic loss in my family. My uncle passed away due to an overdose. He had struggled with addiction for his entire life. But that did not change that he was my family, and I loved him. Both of his parents, my grandparents, are still alive. 

Watching them mourn the loss of their child was a unique kind of pain to pair with the grief of a complicated loss. My dad said multiple times that he did not think they would survive that pain. I didn’t blame him, because how could they? How could anyone? Nearly a year later, they prove to be strong, witty, smart, and kind. I consider myself incredibly lucky to still have them in my life. 

We live in the same state, around 40 minutes from each other. As I’ve gotten older and gotten busier with my own life, it has been more difficult to make time to see them, something I am ashamed to admit. 

They have trouble getting around, will ask the same questions a few times, and have no idea how to use most technology. My brother and I frequently get calls asking questions about their phones or TVs. Recently, their TV was stuck on a Phillies game – in Spanish! Most of all, they are terrified of being a burden. No matter how many times I tell them I am happy to help them and want to help them, they are concerned about the distance traveled to their house and the time spent. 

Now in their eighties, I see how little tasks we may take for granted can be potentially injury-inducing for them. I see how their health has declined, and the effects that age has had on their minds and bodies. Spending time with them recently has filled me with a sense of gratitude that at 22 I still have a set of grandparents to visit, cherish, and love. 

Another facet of their relationship that hits me in the center of my chest is the love they have for each other. My grandma has a lot of trouble walking and is in frequent if not constant pain. I see my grandpa make sure she gets the right dose of medicine, ensure she’s comfortable, and set up every doctor’s appointment. She was recently in the hospital and my grandpa was telling me he can’t eat or sleep when something is wrong with her. 

Every time I serve an older couple at the restaurant where I work and they are taking a long time to order, or want to move to a different table because something is wrong with it, or complain about something small, I feel myself get slightly annoyed. When I have this feeling, I stop to remind myself that these people are someone’s parents, someone’s grandparents, and they are just trying to go out to dinner. That in and of itself is something they may not be able to do often, and is it really so bad that they have some requests? I think to myself, what if some waitress was thinking this way about my grandparents? I tell myself that they have been here longer than me, and are just trying to have a nice night out. I find that if I show them some basic patience and kindness, I get a genuine smile out of them and maybe even an anecdote from their lives. I feel honored to get a story from them and carry it with me. 

As young people, it can be really easy, if not popular, to judge the elderly. I know I’ve been guilty of saying I hate old people. I think we’ve all had our fair share of encountering an elderly person stuck in their ways, close-minded, or judgemental of us. While this makes it particularly easy to write them all off, I can’t help but think of my own grandparents and how lucky I am to have them in my life. More so, how much it is going to hurt when they are no longer around and I’ll be kicking myself that I didn’t spend enough time with them. 

If you have grandparents that you find you don’t talk to solely because of time constraints and busy schedules, I urge you to set aside 15 minutes to call them. I can almost guarantee it would make their entire week to hear from their grandchild. Tell them about your classes, your professors, your crazy roommate, or how you can’t find a parking spot. College is a time full of immense change and growth, and so is getting older. Something that is a privilege to be able to do. At one point in time, your grandparents were the same age as you, just trying to figure it all out.